Looking for some Help of any kind

[limabean]

Hello all.....I am new to this site but very pleased that I found it. I have a beautiful autistic daughter who is 3 (Samantha). She just recently started pre-school at a regular school that has a special class for special needs children. The teacher and I communicate via notebook and nearly every day it starts out......Samantha had a bad day today, she is biting and hitting. I don't think she is feeling well.....and so on. This is all new to me and I am feeling my way thru everything so bear with me. She is non-verbal and does not bite at home (except for her clothing). I am very frustrated because I feel that by biting she is communicating something but the teacher and aide are frightened of her so they panic and cannot think of what to do with her. This is a big change for her and I am trying to be patient because I know she needs to get used to her sorroundings and to new situations. Does anyone have any suggestions to help make transition easier? I feel like they do not want her there because she is so different from the other children. I want her there because this is so important to move forward. I know she is learning but I don't want her to hurt the other children. I asked the teacher to write down not only when she bites but a detailed description of what lead up to it and how she acted afterwards but I just do not see a pattern. I want this to be a success but I needs some help. Do I call an IEP? I have already talked to the teacher but things seem to get sugarcoated when I mention IEP.....Can anyone lend me some advice, comments, suggestions, support, I will take anything. Thanks :)

[Autismskat]

Hi
My son is 9 years old and hes nonverbal also. Josh went through a biting stage at age 3 which is when he started special ed preschool.I would call an IEP meeting, there is no reason for these aides to panic like they do. They should be aware and expect these behavoirs and use methods to stop the biting. Like something for her to chew on
because this could be a nervous habbit. Your daughter's teacher should be suggesting not just saying "another bad day". She may also have sensory issues that need to be understood.
Jannette

[mlwear]

Immediately request a Functional Behavior Analysis. Not sure if you have to do this at an IEP meeting or not. If so, call an IEP meeting and request one.
FBA is a comprehensive study of the child. The person performing the FBA will look at the behavior (and other behaviors), observe what happened prior and what happened after. Then write a report. Little more complicated than that, but that is the general idea. Then the FBA adminstrator will develop a Positive Behavioral Support Plan. This will tell the teachers what to do.

The school may have someone on staff that does FBA's or they may need to have someone from the private sector. It will be at their expense. It will not be hard for you to prove that she needs one. I don't know your school system, but I suggest that you make a copy of the notebook that you have now in case it gets "lost". That is what you will use to justify the need for an FBA. Do a little Internet research on Functional Behavior Analysis so that you are informed. See if www.wrightslaw.com has any suggestions as far as making the request. You may want to contact your local chapter of Autism Society of America (www.autism-society.org and it will list chapters) ask someone there who you should contact in case the school says do you know of someone who does FBA's?

BTW, I think it is cruel that the teachers can't write some nice things about your child. Give me a break. Everyone should be able to see some good in things, esp. teachers. It is hard enough to send a three year old to school, then to get constant notes home like that must be very hard.

Good luck. Welcome to the board, limabean!

[limabean]

Thank you so much for all the info! I really appreciate this website and it is nice to meet others with similar intrests. I log on as often as I can :) Samantha has been doing better at school - no biting for 4 days in a row. They said she has been better....HOWEVER - today when I went to pick her up - they suggested that I look in to the "Teach Program" I wanted to do this at the beginning but they are the ones who said no - we want to try her in a less constricted setting and that she would pick up on other autistic tendencies if there are no "typical children" int he class to balance her out. If she goes to the teach program - it is yet another change for her. I am a little upset but not sure if it is warranted. I feel that they are just too busy to give her the attention that she needs so they are sending her away. The Teach Program is in another town so there will be tuition involved for the state to pay so why couldn't they just find an aide for her and let her stay in this class - where she is already getting settled. Just when I think things are going better and I can smile - things change. The pre-school teacher even said "It's not that we don't want her here, we just don't have the time for one on one that I think she needs" This is her first year teaching - how does she know what my daughter needs? I am blowing some steam here - I am just so frustrated and I have no idea how to re-act to this. Any thoughts or suggestions would be so much appreciated. I want her around typical children too and I think that it is very important for her growth in socialization.
Thank you for taking the time for me - I really appreciate your feedback!

[limabean]

Hello there and thanks so much for your input! I log on as often as possible but get busy but I wanted to let you know that I appreciate your reply. Samantha is doing better at school - no biting for 4 days in a row. One of the other students actually bit her! (Guess it is not just my child :)
We are struggling with yet another issue now and I am frustrated. The teacher informed me today that she thinks Samantha would benefit from the Teach Program. Not sure if you are familiar with it but it is for Autistic Children only. There are no typical children there. In the beginning I thought about this and asked for it but they said no - they didn't want Sammi to pick up on other childrens tendencies, now when she is Finally getting settled in this class, they want to move her. The teacher said "It's not that we don't want her here, we just have to many children to be able to give her the one on one that she might need" Needless to say - I was shocked and I still have no idea how to re-act to this. Any suggestions would be so much appreciated :) I was finally starting to smile again - does it seem that she just cannot handle my daughter?
Anyways - thank you for writing back and hope all is well with you and your son. Take care :)

[mlwear]

Teacher said we don't have time for the one on one that she needs? Can you get her to put that in writing? That's gold.
This is your child's neighborhood school, right? They are supposed to try to accomodate your child using reasonable means so that she can go to her neighborhood school. Do you think her current setting is her least restrictive environment? Do you think she could get an appropriate education there if given proper accomodations and services? This could include the implementation of TEACCH and a one on one aide.
It's too bad that this is the teacher's first year of teaching. I would suggest to the administration (not behind the teaher's back) that she have a mentor.
TEACCH isn't necessarily a place, it is a program. My son's teacher used it in preschool and now that he is in elementary school that is his primary strategy. Have you looked at www.teacch.com there is a lot of info on there. The teacher can attend training and provide this for your child. It does take a lot of one on one with some kids, that is why they have one on one aides. When the teacher says one on one is NEEDED, that is what you want. Needed and appropriate are key. Wants and best don't matter.
I could go on and on. Sounds like someone is just trying to pass the buck to me. You have every right to be shocked and upset.
You need to study up on the laws a bit. (start with www.wrightslaw.com) It stinks that we have to practically get a law degree to take care of our kids. If you can, I would look for an advocate. This is getting out of hand, IMO. Good luck.

[limabean]

Hello there - I have been meaning to respond to all the helpful info you gave me but have had some sickness passed around lately and have not been on for a while.
Wanted to give you an update.....Sammi has had 13 days in a row that she has been very good with no issues. The teachers have said all nice things and I have been walking on cloud 9 so to speak. Yesterday, however, was their Harvest Party and their schedule/routines were changed considerably. Yesterday she had a very "bad day" She gave her friend a little bite on the back and also decided to bite the teacher and the helper. There was a lot of sugar involved along with the changes AND there were people in the room whom Sammi had never seen before. So many different things and she was just off. Fine before the party started and then boom. I was very angry that the teachers freaked out so bad because just the week before her friend gave her a little bite on the arm - they did not seem as concerned. I am having a very hard time dealing with these situations. The speech therapist asked if I had a chance to check out the Teach Program (next town over - not implemented into this class at all - they don't even have sensory toys, can you believe??) Anyways, she went on to say that "she" feels that Sammi would be better off in that program rather than this class because of the lack of one on one. I said that if they could pay the tuition for her to go to another town, maybe they should consider getting an aid to help Sammi on a one on one basis. She said that is really not an option. During this conversation, she said at least 5 TIMES....."it's not that we don't want her here.....we love her". Over and over and over - very strange and I got a bad vibe from her. See orginally I wanted her to go to this school that has the Teach Program but they said it was not an option, that she needed to be around typical children as well and that they would adapt to her needs. PUCKY - they are not even trying in my opinion. During this party (after 2 sugar cookies, raisins, and Hi-C orange drink) they tried to make Sammi sit in circle time and that is why she was biting the teacher, who was holding her in the circle. So, here is where I am - I am going to sit in on this program on Monday. The advisor that said Sammi could not attend this school because of the earlier mentioned, will also be attending as well (BRING IT ON) Was just wondering if you have any advise on what to say to this "person" who obviously is a little confused. (she is the one who helped write up the IEP without even meeting my daughter) This is so long - I just have so much to say and I have been so ignorant because I trusted them to do what is best. This is so new to me but I am learning. I want the best for Sam too but I want her to be around both typical and children like her.
I thank you so very much for all your help and kind words - this is not easy but I know that she needs me so I will do everything and anything to make things right for her and get her what she needs.
Take care and please write when you can:)

[mlwear]

Hope everyone is feeling better now.

Gosh, what a mess. The whole biting issue...if my son was bit or saw someone biting, he would start it, too. We've been through it with spitting, screaming, throwing rocks, you name it. Like a lot of autistic kids, he likes to imitate. He is getting better and his teacher has made cards for the aide to use that say "that is not me" or something when he starts copying someone else. This is one reason why it is important that our keeps have typical peers as models (although, they can pick up some crazy stuff from reg. ed. kids, too.)

First, I think you need to decide what you want to fight for...do you want her to go to the next town and participate in TEACCH (a great method, IMO) OR do you want her to stay put and the school provide accomodations?

Is going to the next town a long commute? Remember your school district has to pay the expenses, including her transportation.

Have an open mind on Monday when you observe. I understand why you want her to be with typical kids. On Monday ask if and how they accomodate this, they may very well do something. If they don't, you could try to join YMCA or other like organizations and involve her in activities outside of school with typical peers. My son takes Tae Kwon Do lessons. He has taken swimming lessons as have many children of parents on this board. Churches are often very accomodating. But, I'm betting the TEACCH program is going to be so superior to what you have now that you will really feel like she is being cheated. They will know how to help her. Your daughter is 3. This early help is so important. Honestly, most of the special ed. preschools that I know of do little mingling with typical peers, anyway. There's time for that later. I wouldn't isolate her completely but some activities as I wrote of earlier may be enough.

OR you can fight the neighborhood school. You can force them to do some of the things that are needed. They must comply. However, if they are saying that they are providing her with a Free Appropriate Education by sending her to the next town as they aren't able to provide services and the next town is a reasonable distance, then it is going to be hard. This is going to be very stressful and time consuming battle. Sam will probably be at this school in a few years, so you have to maintain a good relationship with the staff.
For preschool, though, it is going to take a while to turn things around. They don't have appropriate toys or training. You get a bad vibe for someone (I really trust that sort of thing, seriously.)

You can tell which way I'm leaning. If my son had the opportunity to attend a full fledged TEACCH school in preschool or even now, I would enroll him. If such a school existed near here, I would fight for him to go there. (Would love it if you would PM me with the town and state of the school. We seriously debated moving to NC for TEACCH.)

I so know what you mean about trusting the schools. I took forever for me to get it through my thick skull that their primary concern was not the best interest of my child. They have so many other issues and people to answer to. I was a teacher and I thought they were there to do everything they could for my son. I think most would like to, but the system won't let them.

I hear you about the sugar and snacks. I cannot believe how much junk they feed my son! Anyone else notice this? They are always having parties and everyone gives him "goodie bags" loaded with candy. Not so much in reg. ed., but in special ed: the teacher, the aides, the therapists, the bus driver. My older son gets so jealous to see his brother come home every holiday with piles of candy. :rolleyes:

If I have misunderstood something you wrote, please let me know or if I didn't make sense tell me that too. I don't know if I am helping you in any way. What I am telling you is strictly based on my experiences and opinion. I hope you let me know how it goes.

[limabean]

Ya know, I am not even sure what I am fighting for now because I have heard so many wonderful things about this program. It has to be better than what she is getting now but I am just concerned about yet another transition for her. I am really looking forward to Monday and I visited the website to copy a bunch of info to read up on. I have heard that this particular class has no typical children and that I think is what concerns me, however, like you said, I can find other ways to have group play time or activities.
I cannot even tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts. Everything you said makes total sense to me - this is just such a confusing time and I am scared that she will slip thru the cracks. I want this pre-school to be better for the next Sammi that comes along. I am angry with them for not trying a little harder to accomodate her. In the very beginning, they ASSURED us that they would do everything and that there would not be any problems. Why they did not get to know Sammi first and THEN decide would have saved us all a lot of difficulties (haha - that would have been too easy :)
I have been on the websites that you sent me - and joined mailing lists and so on and really - it is a little overwhelming but I want to be more educated and knowledgable when I confront anyone. I would love for her to stay in this pre-school class but I honestly think that the teacher is just too green to understand anything about autism/schedules/routines/sensory issues and so on (and on) I am sure that Sammi is a little scarey for her but really, if she is going to teach that sort of class, she may want to do a little research or at least get intrested in doing all she can because that is her job.
I would love to give you that City that has this program but I am so new that I am not sure how to PM :) Sorry - can you help?
I think I am just so used to taking her to this school and 1 bad day out of 13 or 14 is not bad in my opinion but when I pushed for this program in the beginning, they assured me that it was not for her. It makes me angry because I just didn't know enough then. So confusing! The children in her class right now are really embracing her and it makes me so happy - she was really doing well until this Harvest Party. I do think that they forgot how well when she had a bad day. So sad ! But I suppose this is for the best because I have a feeling that good things are coming. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me - I always feel so alone and when i found this site - I thought wow- this is a gift! I wish I could stay online all the time! I keep wondering if there is a word limit :)
Take care and let me know how to send you the town that this program is in. Have a great evening!

[Lisa S]

Hi Limabean,
Up in the upper right corner of your screen, it says Welcome, limabean. Below that there is something that says Private Messages and that is underlined. Put your cursor on it and click it with your mouse. Then you can see your inbox for private messages that have been sent to you.

To send a private message to a user, put your cursor on that person's user name and click it with your mouse. Then select send a private message to that user. If you want more details, please ask.

If Sammi were mine, I would go look at the TEACCH school in a flash. It is what you originally wanted for her and it took the people at this school some time for them to see how right you were. I hate transitions for my daughter too, but if that school were in the next town, I think I would have her there, even though she would have to get through another transition to go. They can't handle Sammi at the preschool where she is right now and as much as you want them to be ready for the next little Sammi, put your daughter in the best place for her right now because your first responsibility is to this Sammi, not the ones who will follow.

Hope this helps,
Lisa
Lisa

[limabean]

Hi and thanks :) I appreciate all the good info! I am happy that this program is now available - I guess I was just hanging on to my anger from the past when they said this was not an option for her. As much as I want her to be around typical peers as well, I know now that doing this may be the best at this time so I am looking forward to going to this school on Monday (that is when i am viewing the class) and feel really good that this could be even better than what she is getting now. I do still have a little anger because they just assured me over and over that they would accomodate Sammi's needs and I just don't think they tried. The other students love her and the teacher said that they even do better when she is there. So many positive things for 3 weeks and I thought wow....she is really starting to adapt to this setting and the students/teachers. I have gotten attached to some of the children and I suppose it is more me than her so in all reality - I thing I must have the hang-ups :( How weird is that? I guess this is just a very good learning process and I am so thankful that I found this site. It has opened my eyes to what is really right. Doing everything I can for her is better than anything in the world. I need to turn my anger in to something positive for my daughter :) Thank you for your input and I will post after I return from school on Monday with hopefully some great thoughts! Thanks for taking the time to write and hope to hear from you again!