How to tell him

[woodsie]

I am a new member to this group, so I may need some prompting. My son, Ben, is nearly nine years old. HE was diagnosed by the local Infants and Toddlers program with PDDNOS at the age of 2 1/2. He was nearly nonverbal, but with early intervention, as in daily preschool with other autistic preschoolers and much work on our part, he advanced quite well. :) He is in regular third grade with a one-on-one aid and is a whiz at math. He speaks slowly, and sings what he is thinking sometimes. He has verbal and physical outbursts in school, though. The school specialist thinks that he is ready to be told he thinks differently than others and basicly made aware of his autism such as it is.
Ben has been questioning in a way why he has special treatment like speech and OT and has told the aid to stop following him. ONe of his made up sentences for spelling was "I am odd". The specialist found a book called "When My Autism Gets too Big". It has child drawn pictures of how the boy looks at different stages of frustration and a number scale to help communicate how he feels. The book looks like it would be a great tool, we're just not sure if it matters how we approach this...read the book with him first, or talk about him specificly and then read it. :confused: As aware as he is of what's going on around him now, he's probably heard the word autism at our house many times.
I could use any advice and encouragement I can get.

[Lisa S]

Hi Woodsie,
Welcome! I looked at the book online and it does look like a great tool.

I think it is important that you do talk to Ben. If Ben does not know he has autism, then I think he needs to know why he thinks differently and needs more help at school than the other children. He already thinks he is odd. He needs to know that he is not odd, he is just different.

You might start with how he is the same as the other children and then discuss differences, starting with the diagnosis, then preschool and working up to the present. I would guess there will not just be one big talk. I think you will open a dialogue with Ben and there will be questions for some time as he absorbs the information. So don't worry if you don't get too much information out in the first talk, just look for quiet teachable moments to tell him more bits as he can absorb them.

Good luck!
Lisa

[mlwear]

My older son doesn't have a spectrum diagnosis, at least not yet. He has been diagnosed as ADHD and bunch of other stuff that indicates Aspergers. He is extremely high functioning and we aren't quite sure that Aspergers is the right labe, but something like that and requires the same accomodations at school, but that is off topic.
He does have an IEP and goes to a resource class in the mornings (less so now). This summer we had a good talk. I've never tried to hide anything from him, but didn't get into detail. This summer I told him most of the details that I know. I explained that nothing is wrong with him that he just thinks differently than most other people and that is a good thing. We focused on the positives of his abilities. We then got online and researched famous people with ADHD or Aspergers. There are quite a few. I realize many are speculation. But, when I showed him that some of our most inventive thinkers and successful individuals fall into the same category as him, he was eased. We talked about why these people probably were able to do the things that they did. Then we talked about how this type of thinking can be difficult at school because most people don't think like that and unfortunately you have to conform to the way that others are in order to be successful at school. That's why he needs tools and help at school. None of his teachers think that he is dumb (this he wondered and feared--I don't know your son, but I would play up his math ability--with my son I explained that was ridiculous as his teachers know his IQ (he knows he qualifies for G/T program at school but doesn't know the number. He has never asked and I'd rather not tell him). His teachers are working to help him manage to conform to school standards, but we all want him to keep his ability to think and create in this way that so many others are unable. Just think what would have happened if all of these great inventors, leaders, entertainers, etc. had that thinking process taken away. He is really special in that he has this ability and I hope that he will use it to his fullest ability.
It boosted his self-esteem. I wasn't BS'ing him either. It's true.