Extremely Aggressive

[lacey@alex]

I am looking for other parents who have low functioning autistic children who are extremely aggressive. Self Abbusive (hand biting, nose picking, head banging, gowging eyes, slapping face, biting hand nails and toes, skin biting ect), biting and pinching others, pulling other peoples hair, kicking and charging others ect., self inducing vommitting, spitting the list goes on and on. Anyone out there. Desperate!

[Starmuser]

I can see by your post how very much you love your child, and how concerned you are for him.

Your post would have once described my son. What his educators insisted were negative "behaviors" boiled down, in the end, to my son's last remaining way to have a say in the course of his life. I didn't want to hear that, and I didn't want to believe it was true, but we had to do something. David's growing need to have us hear his opinion about the course of his days landed him in a group home at the age of nine as he was deemed "dangerous" to himself and others.

When I look back at some of the things that were said/done in full view of my son, and how "invasive" some of his programs were, its no wonder he was filled with such anger and defensiveness. While all attempts to help him were, in the beginning, well meaning, they ALL assumed my child's lack of intellect and competence. Big mistake.

At age eleven, David's living at home, and doing great, but only because I told his school district and service provider to go to hell, and brought my worsening child home.

I had to relearn everything I thought I knew about autism to get him to a place where he felt good about his life again. We had to give power of choice back to our child, even though in the beginning we had to TEACH him how to make a choice. He didn't know how, or didn't trust that once he made one, we'd follow through. It began with, oh, you want yogurt.....do you want vanilla or strawberry? Oh, you said outside. Do you want to swing or do you want to ride a bike?

In many ways, David himself guided us, through making choices, out of the mess his eduators and behaviorists had made of his life. Improvements in behavior followed as his ability to choose expanded. We count meltdowns in one's or two's per week now as opposed to over one hundred a day.

Everything I'm writing from here down is my opinion, based on a wealth of experience in dealing with the most extreme "negative behaviors".

Negative Behaviors are a form of communications, often the only effective form of communications children with autism have. The bigger the behavior, the bigger the impact on the environment. Often, the nature of the outburst serves to remove stimulie the child interprests as invasive and aversive.

So often, therapies designed to help eliminate negative behaviors leave out the child they are designed to help. They serve to negate the individual's freedom of choice, his intellect, and further close his access to the world around him. They fail to consider, in their inception, the extreme sensory disruptions which define our children's autism. It amazes me that we become suprised when the natural reaction of the child is to react more strongly to make himself "heard". Very often, only such volatile outbursts remove the stimulus that the child is so violently reacting to. Here, his outbursts become very effective tools for reasserting his need for space, distance, stimming, and sensory accommodation.

I highly recommend Bill Stillman's book, Autism and the God Connection. While its spiritual content is lovely, and affirms much of what I've always felt about my sons, in addition, there are some "educational gems" in that have made all the difference in the world with our oldest son, and allowed him to re-discover a childhood that once seemed irrepairably lost.

The only difference I see is that now I'm raising my sons (Both of them actually, both of my boys live with autism) to be a happy boys with autism instead of shoving them further into realms that never worked with, all designed to force them to act "normal".

Does that mean I've abandoned my expectations for progress? Absolutely not. Every child can learn and improve and move towards increasing degrees of independence.

Imagine that you wanted to begin an orange orchard. But what you planted actually turned out to be apple trees. Would you spend your time trying to turn your apples into oranges? Or would you reshift our plan, and focus on cultivating a fine orchard of sweet and delicious apples?

I focus on apples these days. What works for growing oranges won't work for my perfect apples :).

I don't know if this will work for your child. I do think that any effort at this point has to be a team effort between the two of you. It's worth a week's try!

Talk to your son even if you have been taught that he can't understand you. Read to him even if you don't think he hears you. Enjoy music with him. Open the lid on his world, just a bit. Insist that his educators say nothing around your son that could damage his sense of self worth or intellect. Make some positive, concrete choices available to him in his life. Let him feel that his input is valuable, even if its just tapping the flavor of pudding or yogurt he wants for lunch today. Presuming a child's competence can never hurt. Allowing him to feel ok about having autism certainly won't harm anyone, and it might lead your son and your to an approach that changes his entire view of his world.

Good luck!

[jasoge]

WOW! That is so encouraging, I'm gonna get that book. My son (who will be 4) is now pretty high fuctioning but I applied biblical principles since he started showing negative behavior at about 8 months. For example, "You're a good boy, now behave that way." and "I love you very much, but that behavior hurts me." (when he was banging his head on the floor at the age of 1) I feel children with Austim want to please their parents just as much as any other child, they just do it differently.

[lacey@alex]

O :-) Thankyou so much for your imput on this subject. It's truly hard finding answers. Most people shrug there shoulders and say I have no idea what to do about the extreme behaviors. And believe me he has them all. I know It has alot to do with communication your right about that. The only word my son can say is "no" I think he even understands the meaning sometimes.
Sometimes I think the behavior is because of the seizures and his health. I try so hard to read his body language so I can give him what he wants. After trying everything to make him comfortable and happy, sometimes It just won't work. When It comes to Autism my son Alex is on the bottom of the barrel. But there are times that he can be the most loving child. He can be so sweet but then snap of the finger BAM! He's a whole different kid. His older brother has Tourrettes, ADD, OCD and Anxiety Issues. He has 2 other siblings who are so far normal. I will definetly use your words of wisdom and see if it will be helpful. Thankyou and God Bless.

[Autismskat]

Hello,
We have had much experience with extreme behaviors. We even considered a group home or some kind of boarding school for Joshua. I took him to his pediatrician at the time and she put him on clonidine. Also we started taking him to therapy once a week for socialization, his brother also attends the group the boys really enjoy this. While they have there group I'm with the other parents attending a parent group. Its helped alot. We are putting Joshua on A med called Abilify which is a new one so hes getting us to it. Josh is trying to talk now. And use the toilet. He says he wants to be like Jacob his brother and go to classes and learn like him. So I take him to a tutor who works with special needs kids and Joshua is sooo smart at math. He is much happier now. I feel his aggression come from me doing too much for him. So now he dresses himself, feeds himself(needs a little help with soup) and he can ride a razor scooter by himself. Josh is better behaved lately. I just wanted to share this take care:) .
Jannette

[Cobweb]

Lacey what medicine does your son take for his seizures. My son has just started on Kappra and this has affected his behavouir and in extreme cases can cause agression.:eek:

[lacey@alex]

My son is taking Clonidine throughout the day, Lamictal twice daily, Risperdal twice daily, Topamax twice daily. I also give him Clonazapam and Diastat for severe seizure activity. He was on the Clonidine Patch but he developed a rash and figured how to take it off. He has been on a variety of Seizure meds without much luck. The Lamictal only helps for behavior. So far the Clonidine has proven to be the best in handling his sleeping problems and the hiper activity. The only thing that seems to help control the seizures is the Clonazapam and Diastat, which he recieves quite freqently. Most Neuros have given up trying to find an answer to his seizure disorder, his behavior is greatly effected by the seizures.