anybody in my boat?

[susan]

My daughter is 13 and is very high functioning with autism. She talks and can memorize things and is very attention getting. Part of my problem is that she has progressed to the point that many people just think she is a BRAT. Her IQ is 80 but on a test for logic she scored in the 1 percentile. She needs supervision every waking moment. She is the youngest of 5 children. We had a big blowout the other night and her older brother almost moved out. I often feel I have to choose between her and my other children and I have NO life of my own. Any suggestions on how to balance and keep from burning out?
:confused:

[Dave]

Susan,
I am not exactly in the same boat, but I can empathize with you at least. My son is seven and my two "normal" girls are 2 and 4. I do spend a great deal of time watching and working with my son, but I try to balance it out so no one feels left out. Your kids are quite a bit older than mine, so I have no real experience here, but I would like to think they could help out more and be more understanding of both your and their sister. Hopefully someone who can relate a little better will read this and post...

[waradene]

I am in a similiar situation with my kids. My son Tim is 11 (nearly 12) and has autism. He goes to a mainstream school and copes reasonably well, but needs supervision with his organisation skills.
My eldest boy is 13 and is such a bossy person. He always picks on the others and is always critising Tim and the other kids. He often accuses me of not thinking of the other kids. I try to spread myself through the other kids and do the right thing, but sometimes i think that he complains just to make me feel bad.
I have no special answers. I just go from day to day, trying to keep it all together so that we can keep going. It can be really hard but some days it can be good.
My eldest boy is also a bit jealous of Tim as Tim started puberty before him and he is just starting now.
This is my first post so I hope that I have not butted in where I shouldn't.
Regards

[prhehp]

Hi Susan just had a teririble weekend with my children and been saying much the same stuff as you. How can this situation be managed? How can I look after my son with autism and yet still meet the needs of my other 3 kids. I haven't found an answer yet. I do know that everything is much better when I'm feeling well. SoI try to look after myself whenever I can. Most of the time I just struggle on from one exhausted day to the next. Have you read Harry Potter. Our son is like a Dementor. he sucks all the joy out of our lived. He is very bright but crippled by his autism. He is unable to cope with anything sensory and spends much of his time in a darkened silent room. We all try to be as quiet as possible but it's never quiet enough. We can't breathe for him. I have to take him out of the house so that the others can have any normality. But there are very few places he can tolerate so it's fairly limited. I know a particular table in Pizza Hut very well. Good Luck will be thinking of you plodding on against all the odds. Yours Pep

[canada6879]

I have no idea as to what you're going through. I have ONE son (3 1/2yrs.) with autism, and am too scared to have any more kids.
Because of this, I may be sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. When I read your post, my heart broke for you.
Have you thought of family counseling? It might help your other children get some of the resentment they feel out into the open, and learn to deal with it.
Forgive me, but it seems to me that your other kids are trying to make you choose between them and your autistic child. This is just not right. They have grown up with him and his disabilities. By now they should understand the strain on you and I think they should be more helpful.

[uscheadles]

I am a mom of 4 boys. My HFA is number 2. I talked to my older son about the dx before I talked to the HFA. I told him that it was his (older's) job to tell me when he needed a break. That there would be some times when it might be hard for him to play with his brother or talk to him, or it might seem like he is getting more attention than you.
In our house, we make the children in charge of their own feelings. I can make them DO anything-but I cannot make them feel. HFA is a stressful thing to deal with. The worst part for us-for him, IS that he is so HF. He seems like a "regular ol' kid" and then he is rolling on the floor and slamming doors because someone else answered the phone before he could get to it.
Make sure that your other children know that you love them AND that they know when to call it-when to let you know that they have reached their "quota" for patience.
This has to be in secret though-they have to let you know when there is no one else to hear it. Yelling out "I've had it with him" is NOT ok. Saying, "Mom, I need to talk to you...I need a break, can I go in my room/take a walk/watch tv alone for awhile..anything. There are times when WE need a break and we know how to deal with our feelings. Imagine being a child and having to find out how to deal with them!
Hope this helped!

[Nana]

:GFC: There are times when everyone in our house needs a break from our dear 10 Year old. She is so hard to deal with at times. She gets mad if someone knocks at the door and she can't go see who it is. She has to know who is on the phone there is no privacy in our house till she is asleep. She has a sister that is 11 and one that is 15. She wants to do everything that the 11 yr old does and she can't. There are times when she can be trusted out side alone and other times she can't. We are fortunate enough to have her foster family that has stayed a part of her life. They are a big help to us. We also take time out breaks from her on a daily basis. All of us do daily. And we get very creative about it. The older two go off each day for a while. The 10 yr old has a 8:00 quiet time in her room and lights off at 8:30 that gives the older two a little time alone with each other or with me and there grand dad. Wake up time is so I have time with the oldest before the bus comes then the middle one gets up and we have time then she is off and the youngest gets up. I have about 20 minutes between each. Needless to say eating three breakfasts is showing in everything I wear but if it keeps everyone happy who cares.
Nana Caroline